Shame
by ThisIsMyLife3290
Summary: Sometimes life leads you on unexpected paths. And whatever the courses may be you have to face them as they come. Olivia comes into the squadroom badly beaten. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Elliot sits at his desk, squinting at his paperwork, the morning sun seeping through the windows. He is exhausted and on top of that he couldn't sleep when he finally got up to the dark, but all too familiar crib the night before. This case, this damn case. It was eating him away. A five-year-old little boy, who had trusted and even admired his father, had been raped by him. HIS FATHER. He couldn't get those two words out of his head. Unfortunately, this was a typical day for a detective. An overworked, underpayed detective. He often asked himself: _Why is it that people who devote themselves to helping and nurturing people everyday, get payed practically nothing compared to actors and actresses who contribute nothing to society other than entertainment? _His thoughts were abruptly interrupted though, when he hears a loud thud. He had been so lost in thought that he had not seen Olivia walk in and collapse to the floor.

The whole precinct became silent, staring at the weakened detective. Elliot and Cragen (who had just exited his office), followed by Fin and Munch, rush to help her up. She had fallen face down, so when she was finally placed lightly on her feet, cuts and bruises that occupied every inch of her face were revealed. She is visibly shaken, a quality that Olivia rarely revealed. The detectives gasp and help her to her chair.

"Olivia, are you okay? Oh my God," Elliot gasps.

Olivia glances up and is met with four very concerned faces.

"Guys, I'm fine. Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine," she says with a quick nod of her head.

"You don't look fine. You're covered in bruises and cuts. What the hell happened Olivia?" Cragen asks taking on the role of a father.

"Guys, really I'm fine. I just...," she sighs "This case has really gotten to me, that's all. I was so angry last night that I started picking fights with everyone that crossed my path. One guy just happened to be just as pissed off as I was and I didn't really realize how much I had pushed him until I got a mean sucker punch to the face. Things just escaladed from there I guess."

"What did you say to him to make him so mad?" Elliot asks.

"Hmmm? Oh... that doesn't really matter."

Elliot and the others didn't want to push the matter any further, for fear of embarrassing her, although questions still lingered in their minds.

"Olivia, you need to get to a hospital," Munch urges.

"NO!" she screams, then after realizing the intensity of her voice, she speaks more softly. "No, I don't need a hospital. Like I said, I'm fine."

"Olivia..." Elliot starts to say, but is cut off.

"Elliot," she shrieks, "please."

Cragen looks at his detectives. The looks they were all giving him told him they wanted Olivia to go to the hospital, but he couldn't bear to make Olivia do something she didn't want to do. She looked okay besides the cuts and bruises. Nothing serious, he told himself. Anyway, he trusted her to make the decision to go to the hospital if needed.

"Okay," he says, eyeing her the whole time, "but you have to promise me that if you think even the slightest bit, that you need hospital care, that you WILL go and you won't hesitate."

Olivia nods, stuffs her hands into the pockets of her pants, and excuses herself to the bathroom.

Watching her march off, Fin says, "You think she'll be okay?"

"She'll be fine. She's the strongest woman I know, "Cragen answers.

Olivia glances at her reflection in the mirror. Seeing her ghostly complexion, she looks harder. _Victim. _That's immediately what thinks as she looks at herself. She looks like a victim. Covered in cuts and bruises, broken and numb to the world. _I am so stupid. How could I let that man take control of me like that?_ She smoothes her clothes over, and glances in the mirror one last time before walking out into the world of denial.

**Hey you guys this is my first fan fic so be nice! R & R please!**


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia stands outside the precint, hands stuffed in her pockets because of the bitter cold, thinking about how she is going dodge all the questions she knows are going to be asked. The wind makes its way around the buildings of the city before hitting her face harshly and making her hair whip around her face. She waits there for a few more minutes before gaining the courage to enter the precinct. After taking the elevator up to her floor, she hesitantly enters the Manhattan Special Victims Unit.

"Hey Hey! There's Miss Popular right now!"

Munch makes his way over to Olivia's locker where she is putting away her things. He crosses his arms, tilts his head downward slightly, and peers above his shaded glasses before saying, "Who sent the flowers? You didn't mention anything about -"

"Wha-what? What are you talking about?" She interrupts.

"The flowers on your desk," Munch says nonchalantly.

"You didn't see them when you-"

Olivia cuts him off again by marching over to her desk. Sure enough, on her desk, are a dozen roses and a note. She looks at these two objects as if they would poison her if she touched them. She is so entranced by the note and flowers that she does not even notice that Elliot is sitting across her, giving her a strange look.

She hesitantly opens the note, her hands shaking as she does so.

_Thanks for a great night. Hope to see you again._

_Love, David_

She looks at the note with disgust before tossing it into the trash, along with the flowers.

"Bad date?" Elliot asks.

"Uh yeah, something like that," she answers.

Elliot nods and continues to stare at her. His staring is so obsolete that she has to ask, "Is there something you need?"

"No," he answers simply. He leans forward, puts his elbows on his desk and places his head in his hands.

"Then why the hell are you staring at me?" she asks not in the mood for joking around.

"Nothing really. You just seem a little tense today, that's all," he says with concern filling his voice.

"Well, I'm not," she says, anger layered in her voice.

"Ok," he says simply, again.

She sits down, pulls open her desk draw and manuvers her fingers to find the correct case file. After placing it on her desk, she starts to study the horrific desciption of degradation.

The day had been pretty uneventful. They interviewed a witness to one of their open cases, but other than that it was pretty uneventful. It was late and she was there by herself because Elliot had gone to get something to eat.

"Got you something to eat. Aren't you glad I'm your partner , partner?" As soon as Elliot opened his mouth Olivia jumped violently."

"Shit, Elliot you scared me!"

"Oh geez, Olivia... I'm sorry. It doesn't usually startle you when I do that. You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah...I'm fine," she says while massaging her temples.

"You sure?"

"YES! Elliot, yes!" she yells.

"Okay," he says while holding his hands up in defense and backing away from her desk. He figures that he should drop the subject and try again the next day. But, he knows that something is going on and he has a feeling she didn't tell him the whole story about her encounter with the man at Maloney's.

Olivia reflects on her day as she stares at her reflection once again in the mirror of the precinct bathroom. _I can't believe they didn't ask me about yesterday. They must have really sensed that I didn't want to talk about it, or the flowers distracted them_


	3. Chapter 3

It was 2 am in the morning and Olivia was sleeping peacefully in her own bed for what seemed like the first time that week, when the sharp sound of the phone ringing awoke her from her slumber.

"Benson!" she angrily answered.

"Hey Liv, it's Elliot. Cap just called. He wants us down at St. Mary's to interview a vic. I'm already on my way, so I'll pick you up," Elliot said sleepily.

"Okay, see ya then," Olivia said as she tried to stifle a yawn she knew was ineffable. She hung up the phone, drew back the covers, and flew her feet over the side of the bed, so they were dangling. After sitting in that position for what seemed like hours, she finally slid off the bed, lightly touching her feet to the floor.

Like a robot, she mechanically got dressed, brushed her teeth and her hair, and sat herself on her couch to wait for Elliot. After 5 minutes, he arrived and she buzzed him up.

"Mornin' sunshine," he said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes as she shut her door behind her.

They had arrived at the hospital to interview Sarah Wheeler. She was 25 years old and lived alone in her little, one person apartment. A man had broken into her home and raped her, like so many other horrific tails Olivia had learned of over her past 8 years at SVU. The young women was halfway through her story, and was describing the rape.

Elliot was sitting in a chair across from Olivia and Sarah and had noticed Olivia was deeply upset, but said nothing. Her eyes were replete with tears. _There has to be something wrong. Sure, Olivia gets emotional on cases, but she hasn't looked like she's going to cry when she's interviewing a victim since her 1st year at SVU, _he thought. He decided he was going to confront her about it after they finished interviewing Sarah.

They were finally finished taking Sarah's statement, but they still had many grueling hours ahead of them before they could retire for the night. Olivia peered out the window as they drove to the precinct, glancing at the people on the sidewalks. The people of New York had sorrow and desperation written across their faces, except for the small girl who had her hand enclosed around her mother's. She was swinging their interlocked hands back and forth, looking so free and innocent, qualities that most likely diminished on the brink of adulthood.

The car was filled with silence as Elliot debated on whether or not he should confront her at this time. He knew this was the opportune moment because she seemed peaceful and undistracted. He decided to go for it.

He cleared his throat. "Hey Liv, you okay? I mean, you seem kind of…off today," he said hesitantly.

"Everyone has off days Elliot," she said, her voice seeping with irritation. She did NOT feel like talking.

"Okay, wrong choice of words. You've just been a little…distracted and distant lately, that's all, and I just want to make sure everything is okay," he said softly so as to not make her angry.

"Elliot, don't talk to me about being distant. Who was the one who distanced himself from everyone for 2 years? Who-"

"Liv, this isn't about me," he interrupted. "Don't try and pull that crap on me. I'm concerned about you and I know something is going on. Talk to me."

She thought for a moment. _This is ridiculous. It's been three days. You need to tell someone. You're thinking like a vic and not a detective. Tell Elliot, he won't judge you._

Elliot knew she was thinking about what to say to him. After a few minutes, she took a deep breath and uttered quietly, as if she didn't want him to hear, "I was raped."


End file.
